Fff...

May. 5th, 2016 18:33
onewhitecrow: Zee Captein from Romantically Apocalyptic telling Snippy to stop playing with Cancer (stoppit)
[personal profile] onewhitecrow
So apparently the minor routine disruption/stressful stranger interaction of a house-visiting charity guy (he was funny and professional, but Hell no I am not direct debiting any charity) around new moon is enough to a) cause me to curl in a ball and fight not to cry from the stress spike afterwards b) give me trouble going downstairs again to make supper, because Irrational Brain has identified downstairs as an area of vulnerability.

What the hell, nervous system? Telling y'all mostly in case public shaming makes the Illogic vanish rationalising enough to word helps, but suggestions to help in convincing my instincts that randoms aren't going to interrupt/take food away from me from folk with anxiety disorders that pull this kind of stupid welcome.

Date: 5/5/16 20:51 (UTC)
sweet_sparrow: Picture of two cats lying back-to-back with two black spots connecting to make a heart. (E: Heart)
From: [personal profile] sweet_sparrow
*good thoughts*

I'm afraid I don't really have any suggestions for dealing with this. I'd just hide upstairs until the hunger was louder than Anxiety Brain. ^_^; I also do things that distract me from listening to Anxiety Brain. If I'm too busy with, say, pixel-slaying then my brain has no room left for the Anxiety and it will go away.

*offers plate of salad-with-dressing*

Date: 5/5/16 21:50 (UTC)
sweet_sparrow: Picture of two cats lying back-to-back with two black spots connecting to make a heart. (E: Heart)
From: [personal profile] sweet_sparrow
*soft noise* I'm proud of you for going downstairs and not just fetching food but also making 'sponge'. I know it's not what you intended, but that's a lot to have done while dealing with exhaustion and being in the middle of an anxiety attack.

*gently* It doesn't have to be video games. You want something that'll distract your brain. I wish I could tell you what things distract your brain, but I don't know them. I got the impression origami worked decently for that, so that might be an option.
Ack, I hate those dual moods. They're so hard to gauge! Does companionable silence help you at all?

Jealous reactions to what/who? *thrown* Emotions are very hard, though. It is true. They are even harder when one is exhausted and/or upset. I'm sorry I can't be more helpful.

*salad is just plain, fresh lettuce with some bits of tomato and some dressing, nothing fancy*

Date: 5/5/16 22:47 (UTC)
sweet_sparrow: Picture of a deer and the definition of gentle. (E: Gentle)
From: [personal profile] sweet_sparrow
*it is definitely a good thought, yes* I appreciate the gesture and the thought behind the offer. ^_^

Hmmm... *thinks* Could you use the oil puddle bookmark in conjunction with something else, you think? So you'd watch it for as long as feels calming/comfortable and then you'd go do something else that's calming. *considers* What about zentangle things or (adult) colouring books? I don't know if those'd be useful to you.
Yes. When I'm in one of those "want to talk, no actually I don't" moods, I... never get them right. I always end up avoiding people when I should be talking to them and talking to people when I really, really don't actually want to. >>
Please don't facekeyboard. Go to bed and facepillow. That's much more comfortable. And do please let me know if you ever want/need someone to talk about random things around you at another date.

Ah. I see. We can try to find things that work for your brain, though. ^_^

Night. *sends good thoughts and good sleeping vibes*

Date: 7/5/16 08:57 (UTC)
sweet_sparrow: Picture of a deer and the definition of gentle. (E: Gentle)
From: [personal profile] sweet_sparrow
Yay! ^_^

Perhaps, if they had no downsides. I'm asking you whether it's possible for you to combine things that do have downsides, though. Most things will have a downside somewhere, after all. You said some stims aren't useful to you when you're too overloaded for them, so could things like the puddle help enough that you can switch to them?

*bemused by the description* Alas. They might've been very useful if they'd been good things. Does that wrongness go for any and all kinds of art not started by you or could something like connect-the-dots be useful?
Hm. I'd say the obvious points of knitting are gifts for friends and/or warm woollen clothing in winter, but those only get you so far. My grandmum knits hats and dolls for charity, so you could look into something like that if it sounds like that could give you the point needed to make it work. I have a number of friends who knit or crochet, though. If it's helpful I could ask them for ways to make it meaningful for you to do. They'll probably have more/better ideas since they do actually knit.
Hm. So... in those moods it would be helpful for you to talk to people in a way that does not involve them talking back at you?
*shakes head* I started the conversations. I just misjudge which mood I'm going to be in shortly after doing so.

*fetches chewing blanket and leaves it near*

Date: 7/5/16 21:58 (UTC)
sweet_sparrow: Serenity (Sailormoon Crystal) temporarily defeated, but about to rise in defiance. (E: Defeated)
From: [personal profile] sweet_sparrow
*blinks since that interpretation is the polar opposite of what she was saying* All right. I will do my best not to offer you suggestions on anything in future then.

*blanket is just a big, soft blanket with a length of sturdy rope attached for chewing on. it probably smells a little of hay and/or horse*

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